Thank god my Thanksgiving dinner was a huge success. I had cooked three turkeys and 100% of the family expected arrived , some family had responded that they would come but I knew that was for "show" and would actually not come. Almost all Afghan gathering end up in the men taking over one of the rooms and closing the night with a a card game or political discussion. The woman usually end up in another room and closing the night with dancing and green tea.
What do I mean by the word "show", well I define it as one does not say what they mean. Afghans have perfected this art in the US. Everyone tries to compete with the next family and no one really tells the truth. Ask any Afghan where is he from and he will tell you he comes from a big wealthy family in Afghanistan. Majority of Afghans will try to out do another Afghan by buying a bigger home, nicer car, new Afghan clothes or more gold (yes we have an addiction to 24 carat gold!) -- me included in this list!! Some of these people may never have worked or are collecting government help but damn it they have to wear the best gold necklace and a new $400 outfit to every event. This game gets even worse when a mother is shopping for a bride for her son. I recently heard that a mother puts on her best gold (yes, a ring on every finger and two or three necklaces at once) and attends a girl's home to ask for her hand in marriage. This game is usually played by the guy's mother to the girls mother to prove that this is a wealthy family and they should allow their daughter to get married. If they are bring the girl from Pakistan or Afghanistan, the game is even more heightened to prove they are giving their daughter/son to go live a great life of luxury in America. So in the end if we were honest with people upfront and live within our means, we would not need to play this game and actually trust one another based on who we really are not what we are pretending to be.
I struggled with this concept for years and was recently tested in Dubai. My American side have always taught me to be honest and upfront. My Afghan society stresses not say anything that might anger or hurt someone. I have been told I am too upfront and shoot from the hip. On this one, I have chosen my American side! I like who I am. I refuse to pretend, be fake or keep quite if I do not like something. I will raise my kids the same way.
Note: The US Afghan community is a small community (estimated at 300,000) and everyone knows everyone to a degree. On the east coast, the largest population lives in Virginia Queens, Brooklyn and Long Island. Smaller numbers in Albany, Connecticut, New Jersey and PA. On the west coast they are spread out in LA, San Jose, SF Bay Area and San Diego. Smaller pockets are now spread out in Texas, Florida, Chicago area.
What do I mean by the word "show", well I define it as one does not say what they mean. Afghans have perfected this art in the US. Everyone tries to compete with the next family and no one really tells the truth. Ask any Afghan where is he from and he will tell you he comes from a big wealthy family in Afghanistan. Majority of Afghans will try to out do another Afghan by buying a bigger home, nicer car, new Afghan clothes or more gold (yes we have an addiction to 24 carat gold!) -- me included in this list!! Some of these people may never have worked or are collecting government help but damn it they have to wear the best gold necklace and a new $400 outfit to every event. This game gets even worse when a mother is shopping for a bride for her son. I recently heard that a mother puts on her best gold (yes, a ring on every finger and two or three necklaces at once) and attends a girl's home to ask for her hand in marriage. This game is usually played by the guy's mother to the girls mother to prove that this is a wealthy family and they should allow their daughter to get married. If they are bring the girl from Pakistan or Afghanistan, the game is even more heightened to prove they are giving their daughter/son to go live a great life of luxury in America. So in the end if we were honest with people upfront and live within our means, we would not need to play this game and actually trust one another based on who we really are not what we are pretending to be.
I struggled with this concept for years and was recently tested in Dubai. My American side have always taught me to be honest and upfront. My Afghan society stresses not say anything that might anger or hurt someone. I have been told I am too upfront and shoot from the hip. On this one, I have chosen my American side! I like who I am. I refuse to pretend, be fake or keep quite if I do not like something. I will raise my kids the same way.
Note: The US Afghan community is a small community (estimated at 300,000) and everyone knows everyone to a degree. On the east coast, the largest population lives in Virginia Queens, Brooklyn and Long Island. Smaller numbers in Albany, Connecticut, New Jersey and PA. On the west coast they are spread out in LA, San Jose, SF Bay Area and San Diego. Smaller pockets are now spread out in Texas, Florida, Chicago area.
I love this article. Its very interesting and true too. I am an Afghan myself and I was born in afghanistan and lived in united states for the past 10 years and this is how I felt about my Afghan people. They are always trying to out do another family and never themselves. When I make my feelings know I am considered too american by parents.
ReplyDeletehello. I am very much interested in what you have written. would you add me to your blogroll and I will do the same. I already added you.
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